why a Dom is allowed to humiliate his sub?

A friend was asked this question and I decided that it needed more thought.

 

Depends if the sub enjoys it. Then it is just another tool in the Dom’s box of tricks.

If not then it must be treated as any other form of play, i.e. that it has a defined place within the play setting and is governed by the same rules as the rest of the play.

It really has it roots like any other form of accepted BDSM practice in the objectification of Power. By allowing the exchange of Power to become a negotiated commodity, then we must define its limits and boundaries, it must become a “thing”. Humiliation has a very broad meaning, as any degrading play could be classed as humiliating in a pure sense. As pain is different to each person, so is humiliation. But unlike pain in its purest sense, humiliation is dependent on an emotional response. This is not to say that pain does not elicit an emotional response, because on a simply bio-chemical level it does, endorphins are released, as is adrenaline etc, and it does have an emotional tie to the play. But Humiliation has a very different impact depending on the sub and Dom involved. Humiliation is more about driving a sub toward a place where they feel emotionally vulnerable, not physically. Pain fades, but humiliation can, and does, if taken to far have real and long-lasting emotional impact on the well being of a sub.

So that brings me to why a good Dom is “allowed” to humiliate his submissive and the answer is because they let him. As with any scene, any interaction must require consensus from both parties. A good Dom respects his sub and therefore will only subject them to “humiliation” which is accepted and agreed upon. It is unacceptable for a Dom to use humiliation as a weapon, or a way to chase their own needs.

For example a sub may love the level of control a Dom holds (with their permission) by restricting who or where a sub may eat/bathe/relieve themselves. And that a Dom may force a sub to degrade themselves by being made to eat from a bowl, or use a litter tray in a private setting and this may be exciting/rewarding for the submissive. In public it may push the submissive to far. If a Dom who knows that this is the fact, then chooses to push their sub into that activity, with the treat of punishment, does not respect their submissive.

So… 10 reasons why:

 

1. Because she enjoys it.

2. It pushes her emotional boundaries.

3. It allows her to offer to relinquish more control to her Dominant, safe in the knowledge that he will not use it for his own ends.

4. It makes the relationship stronger as a result.

5. Unlike physical play, emotional play allows the submissive tie herself into a purely passive role. Once a sub is humiliated, the play cannot be stopped like in a physical scene, the sub not means of escaping, but just surviving the humiliating experience.

6. It allows the sub to understand herself and what boundaries she really has. And this allows her to grow and mature emotionally.

7. The after care is more intense and satisfying for both a sub and a Dom. Where by a Dom may hold a sub after a painful experience and nurse that pain away, humiliation and emotional play requires a much longer and in depth debrief and care.

8. It demonstrates, more than any other care, how well a Dom knows his submissive. In order to humiliate a person you need to understand how they “Tick”. And that allows a sub to appreciate how strong the bond between them and their Dominant is. And that is extremely rewarding.

9. It is a much more subtle kind of play and may be used within a “normal” setting. If a Dom spanks a sub in the middle of town people will talk, a subtle vocal humiliation, or humiliating action is easier to conceal and their fore often more exciting.

10. Because the D/s relationship is based on trust and the relinquishing of control and there is no stronger release than allowing someone total control of your mind.

Just my thoughts. 

 

A Fantasy interlude

Just thought I would post a quick fantasy interlude (this is a story requested by a friend)

 

 

Sam shifted uneasily in her chair, her back sweaty from the long night sitting, her legs cramping sightly as she moved them from their crossed position under her buttocks. She yawned and grabbed the cold cup of coffee by her mouse, letting the cinnamon burntness wash away the early morning taste. She looked at the screen again, slowly closing the chat windows as she did so.

“So want to meet?”

The last message they had sent. She laughed to herself under her breath, both ecstatic yet scared at the same time. She had been talking to them for some time now, the messages becoming more and more intimate, but it had always been an online thing. Never had she thought in a million years that it would get this far. Yet there it was, plane as day, on the screen.

She had not answered, just panicked. Begging the need for sleep she had logged off the chat site, just like that. Now as she slowly moved to the window and let the new days light flood into her room, she did not know what to think. Did she want this? The playful flirting had been fun, and she had let it escalate far further than she had ever imagined she would when they had started chatting, but to meet was a huge step.

“What do you think Mephistopheles” she asked the tom cat, sprawled on the end of her bed. He got up and came to head butt her hand as he always did, his soft fur tickling as he brushed his fur passed her.

She got into the shower, allowing the hot water to run over her shoulders, its warmth welcome to the tired muscles. Grabbing the menthol shampoo she squeezed a small amount into her hand, and began to wash her hair. As the suds began to form she thought of the last conversation they had been having before the question. Her hand began to stray to her breasts as she remembered, the tingle of the menthol of her skin heightening the feeling as she rolled her nipples between her fingers. The idea of being a third, another sub to play with, as well as a Dom was an arousing proposition. Her hand strayed down her body, over her lithe waist to the mound just above her pubis. There it stayed for a moment, the enforced wait making her even more ready, before she dipped her fingers into the wetness between her legs.

The corset was tight, its length constricting her waist, almost painful. The cold air of the train station car park chilling her legs, their length covered with little more than a thin pair of tights. The skirt was no help, covering her dignity, and not much more. Again she cursed her self-esteem, knowing that she was only wearing “this” to bolster its fragility. She watched the headlights of cars pass the entrance, every time one came into view she tensed, relaxing slightly as it passed by. Suddenly a set of headlights turned and drove down the road, disappearing and reappearing behind the trees. It swung into the car park and stopped beside her. As the door opened she felt the warmth inside against her legs,

“Sam, hop in its freezing”.

The voice sounded different than it had done over the speakers in her room, but still familiar, its tone both gentle but commanding at the same time. She did as it instructed, sliding into the open car , her short skirt riding up exposing the almost naked plane of her buttocks. She tried, with little success to rearrange herself, as she sat in the glorious heat of the car. Looking at the driver, she noted the twinkle in his eye that she had seen many times before over camera, as he had admired her.

“Maybe the outfit was not such a bad idea”, she thought to herself, smiling shyly.

She shifted, turning to look at him, and noted that indeed the outfit was a hit, if the bulge in his lap was any indication. He smiled at her,

“Good trip?”

She looked up from his groin, to his face, noting the dimples in his cheeks, one of the things that had first attracted her to him. She smiled in return, and swung one leg up so she perched, facing him. As he too shifted to face her, on impulse she lent over and kissed him on the cheek.

“Yes it was fine. Sir” she said tentatively, the “Sir” quite.

His smile widened, as he reached over and ran his fingers gently down her check, stopping when his palm cupped her chin. She nuzzled into his hand, and he chuckled gently.

“Good girl” his words making her heart skip a beat.

“May I Sir”, she asked as she let go of his hand and moved hers to his belt.

The surprised gasp made her look up, and she saw something cross his face almost like fear, and she realised in that moment he was as scared as she was. As this realisation hit her, she felt herself relax, the muscles she did not even know she was holding tight loosen.

“Of cause my girl” his voice catching a bit as he said the words.

Slowly she shifted again to kneel on the seat, her hand beginning to undo his belt. As the car shuddered, she realised that is leg was shaking, kangarooing the clutch. Quickly he turned the engine off, before he stalled, the cars engine silencing. She unbuttoned the flies of his jeans, and reached in, grasping his hardening length. She massaged a little, his quickening breath, egging her on, before she withdrew it from his pants. It was bigger than she had expected, not longer but wider, and she realised that she had only ever seen it before on camera, semi covered. Dipping her head, she darted her tongue to lick the tip, the foreskin soft covering the glans. She heard him grown with pleasure, and his hand moved to grasp her hair, twisting in its length. She slowly began to take it into her mouth, letting her lips pull back the foreskin as she did so. She began to move her tongue to draw it along the glans. As she did so she felt resistance, and her head was gently pulled up by the hair. As his length fell from her mouth, she looked up at him, her eyes betraying the uncertainty she felt.

“My girl, there will be time enough for all this, but I would like to make this first time special, not cheapen it by losing control in a station car park”.

He drew her up by her hair and kissed her long and deep, his desire evident in his passion.

As the door opened, the first thing Sam noted was the smell. It was delicious, like the smell you get as the bakeries open first thing, all fresh bready with a hint of spice and sugar.

The girl who stood at the open door was cute, about 5’7”, soft blond hair bobbed asymmetrically, the longer end just touching her neck, the other side stopping half way down her ear. Wearing a soft lambs wool sweater and jeans, she seems relaxed, her smile gentle but welcoming. She reached out a hand and drew Sam into a hug,

“Hi honey, welcome to our home”.

As she took Sam bag from him, she drew her Master into a kiss. As she released him, her smile widened, and she whispered something in his ear. Blushing he nodded his head, and she laughed.

“Well Sam, lets make you comfortable you look frozen”, her eyes looked Sam up and down with a mixture of trepidation and desire. Although fit herself, Sam was both younger and skinnier, and despite what her Master said, she always felt a momentary flutter of self-consciousness in the presence of their play partners.

She lead Sam into the sitting room and offered her a seat on the sofa. As Sam went to sit, and with the sound of her Masters footfalls on the stairs, she quickly gave her a hug,

“I meant it by the way”, she said as she did, “Your very, very welcome”. She released the hug and her hands still on Sam’s shoulders drew her into a kiss. Rather surprised Sam responded and the kiss deepened. Sam let her arms drop, her hands moving down to her hosts pert bottom. Her host gently spun, and drew them both down onto the sofa, pulling Sam in her lap. Sam moved her hands to rest them on her hosts waist, feeling her breath quicken under the soft lambs wool.

“Oh Jess”, she breathed as she felt a hand move up her thigh. It came to rest high, gently massaging her leg.

“My, my girls are getting comfortable” came Williams voice.

Jess broke the kiss, her hand still exploring Sam’s thigh,

“Well she tasted so good on your lips Master, that I could not wait. Have I been bad?”

William strode over to the sofa and sat down, gesturing to his lap as he did so. Jess disentangled herself from Sam and laid across his waiting legs. She looked straight into Sam’s eyes as her trousers were pulled down to expose her naked cheeks.

“This may hurt, my girl”, Will said as he brought his hand down on her arse. He looked to Sam watching her undisguised envy, as his palm continued to strike skin, her hands involuntary moving toward her own moistness.

“Kiss her better” he commanded, and Sam knelt not breaking eye contact with Jess. She gently drew Jess’s face so their lips met.

William watched the girls kiss as he once again brought his hand down on Jess’s bare cheeks. As always she marked well, and he examined his handiwork with interest. He felt his knee dampen as Jess’s own excitement became evident. As he looked he noticed that Sam’s hand had crept down to her own wetness,

“Not there”, he said an idea entering his mind.

He gestured toward Jess’s rear as Sam looked up, and she blushed as she realised both what he meant and that she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Keeping her head low she crawled around Wills feet and positioned herself at Jess’s other lips. She felt Will’s hand grasp her hair as his other hand parted Jess’s cheeks. Gently he guided her head toward the well of moistness between her thighs. Slowly Sam moistened her own lips, before darting her tongue out to quickly lick, up the length of the cunt presented to her waiting mouth. She felt her hair being released and shuffled to get into a better position. Suddenly Jess’s body jerked again, and as she looked up from her work she saw that Will now held a short crop in his hand. Expertly the crop descended once again, to connect with the fleshy part of Jess’s cheeks. Sam’s tongue continued is gentle probing, licking first quickly up the lips, before darting into the folds. She moved her hand to part Jess’s cunt, and dipped a finger into its depths, feeling the desired ridges along the top of the pelvic bone, her other hand moving to the little nubbin at the top of the lips uncovering it from its enclosing hood.

“I said KISS it better”, Will’s voice was gentle but firm and she felt her hair once again being grabbed. Will hand parted Jess’s checks again, and Sam found her face being positioned again at her cunt. Sam squirmed but the grip tightened, and she felt his strength in the grasp. Slowly she extended her tongue and licked the proffered orifice, Jess’s groan of pleasure spurring her on. Her hands once again returned to where they had been, and Jess wriggled delightfully.

Will watched with pleasure, enjoying the spectacle. Jess had been apprehensive at first, but now he saw she was not regretting her decision. Since she had been a good girl the last week, he allowed the pleasure to continue for a good few minutes, before drawing Sam’s head away,

“Good girl, but you should not be doing all the work”.

He scootched out from under Jess’s body and gently released Sam’s hair. He turned and flipped Jess onto her back and patted the sofa between her legs.

“I think you both deserve some pleasure”, he said lifting Sam off the floor and placing her on the sofa facing away from Jess, “At the same time would be best I think”.

Sam understood and she moved her arse slowly back, crawling down Jess’s body, laying gentle kisses as she went, until she had positioned her own dripping cunt over Jess’s waiting mouth. She felt Jess’s hands grasp her cheeks as she dipped her head once again. Jess’s tongue begin gently licking her, front to back, as she herself had done before, ending at her throbbing clit. Sam moaned and began feeding in earnest too.

Will settled down to watch, the fabric of the chair cool against his back, a rye-smile on his face. His cock strained against his jeans, imprisoned as it was by the heavy fabric. As Sam first cried out in orgasm, followed in quick succession by Jess’s, it became almost painful. He closed is eyes and grimaced, rolling his head back to the celling. When he re-reopened his eyes, he found Sam and Jess kneeling at his feet,

“Please Master, may we please please you” they said in unison, cheeky smiles on their flushed faces. He nodded, and they began to undo his belt releasing his hardness. Jess slapped his leg, and he raised his arse from the chair, allowing them to pull his jeans off his legs. Now fully naked, he stared down at the two girls kneeling at his feet, as Sam cupped is balls in her hand. Jess moved forward and as Sam had done in the car just hours before, quickly licked the tip, before taking him into her mouth fully. As she did this Will felt Sam’s tongue begin licking the base of his shaft, dipping to include his balls, which she gently took into her mouth. Jess’s head moved up and down his cock, her expert tongue teasing him. Sam’s head reappeared and they swapped, Sam’s mouth swallowing his shaft. She shifted slightly and then he felt her throat open as she accepted his whole length into her, the throat spasming around him. Jess looked on, her hand dipping into her cunt, unable to get the right angle, but enjoying the show. Sam came up and gagged, not used to a cock as wide as Will’s. Jess moved in and began licking the glans, as Sam moved back to the shaft.

Will felt the tightening of his balls which signalled his impending orgasm, the girls, noting the same, fell back onto their heels, to watch. He beckoned them forward, and they again fell on his cock, Sam’s mouth coaxing him to orgasm.

They lay naked, sweating and tired in a heap on the sofa, Will’s strong arms encircling his two girls. It had been a long night, and as they lay Sam felt her eyes droop. She turned and lay her head in Will’s lap, as Jess did the same. Will pulled a couple of blankets from the back of the sofa and laid them over the girls. Softly he began to sing, as he stroked their hair, his voice lulling them to sleep. Will looked at his two beautiful girls as they slept and smiled, at peace.

 

 

 

Comments from Subbie Part 2

So its time for another insight into my frightening brain! you lucky bunnies!

 

So, today I am mostly snuggled on the sofa watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows while the cats roughhouse on the floor.

 

and I feel exhausted.

 

I have always been fairly stable in my sleep patterns… Im used to waking early even in my holidays but at the moment i am simply knackered. Its like im living from nap to nap? Now im sure a big part of that is the fact that my little life-sucking parasite is currently using a lot of energy on things like making fully functioning kidneys…

 

But it adds weight to the very odd feeling of my body doing things without my permission?

 

Most of you who are of the submissive persuasion will know of the effort we expend in our own control. I am proud that when I am with Him I feel completely safe within my own skin, and I love to please him by taking the effort to arch my back so my breasts stick out more proudly when I am bound at his feet. I control myself to be better for him?

 

But now, I have things happening in my body that I cannot control. Fatigue, Nausea, Boob changes…

 

and believe me. I know I have been incredibly lucky as far as symptoms go. Everything has been mild! but the feeling of losing that control is emotionally very hard for me, and I think that has caused me to need his guiding hand far more than usual. The difficulty of course is asking him to help me…

BDSM questions.

Well we have a midwife appointment on Tuesday (the first), and subbie and I are having a devil of a time thinking up way to ask about safe BDSM sex during pregnancy.   

We already know a good hard fuck from behind makes her nauseous (lol), and to avoid impact play anywhere other than obvious safe zones with no chance of wrap around, and we debunked the old wives tale about oral sex embolism. But there are other things that we need to ask, like “is fisting safe” and knowing how to put a question like that is quite a challenge. 

Now I know that you can look these things up on the net, but as I have said before, I would rather, being a medical professional myself, get it from the horses mouth so to speak. 

Well its quite a conundrum and I will have much fun posting what we end up doing on Tuesday, and what the midwife’s face is like at the questions. 

I just thought that I should tell you one other thing which happened recently, and although not pregnancy related, was quite a laugh.

I managed to out myself as a Dom at work. And since then I have been asked 7 times “Oh what does BDSM stand for again”, and you try explaining that to a group of middle age nurses, and somehow we got onto the topic of kitten play which flummoxed them completely.    

Well now I have to go and explain again what “BDSM” is and what does a Dom actually do to a sixty five year old grandmother of 5.

 

 

Blueberry..

So we now have a blueberry!!!

Since subbie is a science teacher, she has a chart in her classroom that shows a comparison between blueberry bump and fruit. Now she has yet to be able to steal said chart without there being many unwanted questions (she has yet to announce the blueberry), so we have found an equivalent chart online (link below).

And yes now we have a blueberry. Albeit a very strange blueberry which is developing about 100 brain cells a minute, and now has both the beginnings of arm joints and a permanent set of kidneys. Queue image of cthulian horror.

But this blueberry seems to be being very kind to subbie and is only slightly interrupting her day with mild motion sickness, oh and making her throw up over the bed last night. But that was again due to motion sickness (I was a bit too vigorous, and doggy can somewhat mimic a rather stormy sea!!!)

http://pregnant.thebump.com/pregnancy/pregnancy-tools/articles/how-big-is-baby.aspx

http://pregnant.thebump.com/pregnancy-week-by-week/7-weeks-pregnant.aspx

http://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2012/mar/07/cuddly-cthulhu-hp-lovecraft-merchandising

Response from Dominant :)

Since subbie outlined her views on BDSM as a sub, I thought I would reply with my ideas on BDSM as a Dom.

To me the traditional role of a Dominant is a challenge. I know it sounds strange to say this, but it is true. And I think that it is somewhat due to the role that “The Dom” is given in popular fiction and media. The “Mr Greys”, the leather clad Dommes, the “arsehole” Doms who are just out to fulfil their own desires at the expense of their subs, these are often the role people attribute to a “Dom”. And its not true, well in most cases not. We have all met the pretenders, the people who call themselves Doms, but have no idea of what that title really means, or the responsibility they are taking into the hands by classing themselves as Doms.

It may seem odd, but I often envy them. That’s not to say that I would ever act in the selfish way that they do, but they are so innocent. And innocence is appealing, in some cases. To understand my views on BDSM one tenant must be appreciated, that mutual respect is the most important aspect of a good relationship. And this respect must be earned as a result of effort or action. The Dom who takes a sub and then uses and disposes of them has no respect for what he is doing. It might be fun, for a while, but its not being a Dom, he is a kid in a candy store. And it is a hollow joy.

I can’t do this. It would be impossible for me to take a sub and just use them for my own desires. And that is because I have to much respect for anyone who is willing to risk exposing themselves to the unbridled will of another, often in an extremely vulnerable state. The transfer of trust is a wonderful thing and I value it to the highest degree. As such Dom must be the one to first extend and earn the respect within a Dom/sub relationship. In my eyes a sub is there to be cherished, she is valuable. The unconditional trust extended by a submissive to their master is the most pure gift that she can give. And in return the promise I offer to my sub is that I will try to return the rewards of trust in as an exquisite and genuine way as possible. I will attempt, in my own small way, to surmount that trust tenfold in pleasure, to try to take her to the point where she feels that she cannot be further fulfilled. To extend the experiences with her, to allow me to fulfil the desires and needs she bestows into my hands.

I hope that I offer anyone who needs it a safe place to develop, and in doing so, in turn, I hope that I can build the respect and trust that allows me to be a friend or in subbies case Master.

And it is all to do with my own needs to nurture. As a child I was always a bit of an oddball, and although I had some wonderful friends, that is all I ever was, a friend. I was the best friend, the person who people would go to to complain about their partners, and although looking back on it there were a myriad of occasions that I was offered the opportunity to become more than a friend, I was too wrapped up in self pity to notice. And once I did notice, my fears where so strong that I did’t act. But I did become very good at listening and I was a good friend. Now I’m older I realise that that is what is needed, people need someone to be both a lover and a friend. In BDSM even more so.

Now I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy the play sessions I have with other subs, but I’m always a friend first and a Dom second. And I think that makes me a better Dom. If I know you, and what makes you tick, I can mould the play to make it fulfilling for both of us, rather than just me. Hey to be honest I would rather be able to offer my sub fulfilment than my own desires be met.

And this brings me to my ultimate conclusion, if I change the word Dom to Dad in most of this, that’s what I want to offer my lentil. A friend who understands them, as well as offering everything I am to make their life as perfect as I can. It strange how that just fits, Dom to Dad. They place themselves in your hands, vulnerable and unable to defend themselves, and you love and cherish them.

That’s my view on BDSM guys.

Comments from subbie

Sir has asked me to post tonight, so I thought I would try to explain a little about the particular flavour of D/s we practice (as i am aware that there are so many ideas which jump to mind when people think of long term BDSM relationships) 

Just to clarify then…

 

I am not subservient to all men. 

I am not a weak willed ball of fluff enslaved by a controlling abuser.

I am not unintelligent, or simple.

 

I am a complex, creative, compelling being. I spend every minute of my day inspiring and motivating disenchanted students to excel. This means that for me to submit to someone else, to serve their will, is a huge deal. It is the single most soothing and yet exciting part of my day. 

It is not about the toys, or the pain, or the humiliation… (although I love them deeply) It is about doing whatever I may to ease his passage day by day. and about demonstrating my love for him by striving to become a better person. 

 

Because I know he sees the person I can become and thinks she is beautiful and wonderful.

 

Now because His main motivation is built on nurture, all that he asks of me is designed to build me up. When he has me curl up on the pillow at his feet, his little kitten, it is because he wants me to let go of the strains of my day.

 

When he refuses to allow me to come, it is because he wants me to be honest about my own desires as I beg him for release.

 

When he hurts me, it is because he wants me to wear his marks with pride as I strive to do better.

 

 

I do know how incredibly lucky I am to have found Sir, and I know how many people would give their right arm to be cherished like this. 

 

And so we have launched into this new adventure together. I feel a little… mixed about it in truth. I know the reward will be exciting in the long run. But my first gut thought was “how will this affect my service?” 

now so far, the effect has been… actually fairly positive. My sex drive remains as high as ever, My boobs have practically gone up by a cup size since breakfast, which is magnificent! (I have always felt my boobs were too small)

 

And I feel safe that Sir is not going to tolerate any cr*p from me in the next few weeks. I have always hated people who are aggressively self-pitying. But I know that I do have a sneaking part of myself which tends to make a meal out of drama, and I hate this part of myself. 

 

Sir is perfectly content to cry bull when i begin to come over whingy, which helps me to maintain the “sensible” attitude I so crave. 

 

Well, i know that this is not exactly a traditional blog post, but you will have to excuse me… as it is my first.

 

Well well…

Aren’t Dr’s interesting.

So we went to the doctors today. Should explain that because we are based in the UK this is not as frightening an experience as I may have been if we lived in the US, and its a damnned site cheaper!!! After dispensing the usual advice regarding taking Folic acid and asking about the last dates of periods etc. she got onto the topic of diet and exercise, and here it turned a bit more interesting.

So the GP has told us to basically remove carbs from our diet completely. This is not really an issue since being a health professional myself, I’m actually quite good at planning diets and the health needs of my sub have always been paramount in my mind. But it brought me to thinking what a “normal” couple would do in this circumstance. How easy would it be in this day and age to remove complex carbs from your diet?

And the answer is very hard. So much of the normal day to day foods we come to rely on are based off complex carbs. So no pasta, no bread, which in turn means no sandwiches or toast, no quick and easy snacks like muffins from the coffee stand, or in subbies case everything they sell at her works cafeteria.  

Now I have made this a game for subbie and myself, a sort of 24/7 thing. For everyday she follows the diet she is rewarded. Now to be honest she is so motivated that this is somewhat redundant, but it is a bit of fun and the chance to reward her is always a good thing. So the first reward was going to be oral, until a little bird (well the internet) began its normal scaremongering.

“No Oral due to chance of air embolism”

So I set subbie a little task for her lunch break, to find 3 substantiated sources which would support her argument that this old wives tale was just that, an old wives tale. Which she of course did in short order. But it does go to show that there is such a plethora of information out there, that is often completely wrong. Now as I have said before BDSM basically saved our sex life, but in the same way that the internet spreads good information, the old wives tales are just as prominent.  And no more so than when discussing volatile subjects like pregnancy (oh and BDSM!!).

Now being a health professional, I knew that the chance of air embolism from oral sex is minute. The amount of air that gets trapped during normal intercourse is, as any woman will attest, often quite significant. That the air breathed from the lungs is more dangerous, is quite ludicrous. But like with the diet, I know this from my work. Any normal person who relies on the internet, as so many of us do, is bombarded by information, some good, some just old wives tales. It is the Doctors and other professionals who we rely on for good unbiased fact. But how happy would you be discussing bondage and flogging with your GP?      

On a positive note the GP did say that fucking twice a day was a good form of exercise, to compliment the gym and swimming of course, so that nice to know!!

*comments from subbie*

haha! and you forgot to mention how the Dr felt the need to congratulate you so heartily for impregnating me! She gave you this look as if to say “Oh you virile hunk of manhood you!” I nearly died giggling…

Well subbie is remarkable!!

So as you can guess the last 24hrs have been interesting to say the least.

Strangely the first thing that came to our minds was not shit we might be having a lentil, but shit how is this going to effect our new found happiness in kink. Bear with me on this one. I know that might sound a bit heartless but we had become so much stronger as a couple due to being more kink aware with each other. And after the first wave of tears (happy ones I must add) had cleared, and we had triple checked (three different brands none the less – well subbie is a science teacher), we had a heart to heart. And it basically boiled down to subbie telling me that she would not let this effect our kink. 

A little history – As with all couples we had started (14 years ago) fucking like rabbits. As the years progressed the sex became more and more infrequent, until about 3 or 4 year ago it basically ended. Kaput. We may have had sex twice a year at best. And then about 14 months ago when we decided to start trying for a lentil we began obviously to have more sex…. but it seemed forced. We would begin to schedule sex like a chore – once every two days. And it began to really strain our relationship again. 

Cut to 3 months ago and we were sitting having dinner when subbie asked why we had stopped with the BDSM. It arose that she had really missed it, but when our friends up and moved from up North to down South on mass (a long story!!) the BDSM had sort of gone with them so to speak. It may sound strange but it was how it had panned out. I had been going through a rough patch myself and was feeling very low sexually, and we and we had just been told my the doctors that we would have to lose weight to be eligible for any for of IVF or treatments. So we decided that we would hit the gym again, and well each other at the same time (well I’d hit her!!).

And we did. And not to sound trite but as an aphrodisiac goes BDSM was just what we needed. Now its rare if we don’t hit the proverbial hay at least twice a day. And its basically saved our sex life.

So when a lentil came up… that was a concern. But subbie basically confirmed that she now felt even stronger that we needed to go and get as much experience as we could. Some things will have to change of cause, from a safety point of view (and I love the internet for the ease at which you can Google BDSM and pregnancy) (I’ve linked some useful articles below) but the fundamental kink is going to have to stay strong.

http://delilahnight.com/2010/10/20/pregnant-bdsm/

http://www.submissiveguide.com/2011/12/the-impact-of-pregnancy-on-service-and-play/

 

 

A bit about me.

Ok so I thought that it was right and proper to introduce myself first (well second after the reason for the blog).

Well I’m 34, a Dom and well as you can see my little subbie is with lentil. Bear with me for a second… since the reason for this blog is currently the size of a lentil that’s its official title at the moment. This will of course change as time sees fit, but yes lentil.

We have had a rocky few years recently, and although BDSM had been part of our relationship for sometime it was really only in the last few months that we really went back to embracing it in its full and wonderful whole. We have been married for 7 years now and had decided that we would try for a lentil about 14 months ago… to no avail. Many tests, pokes and prods later and my subbie was diagnosed with PCOS and told that we would have a real difficulty in conceiving without a lot of help (on an aside Ha ha ha! we sure showed them). BTW I am a nurse so have some idea what the diagnosis really meant.

So about 2 months ago we had a real heart to heart, and decided to say fuck the tests if it was meant to be it was meant to be, and really rediscovered our Kinky side again. And it has been wonderful. We decided to open up our relationship a bit to allow us to really explore our kinks and what makes us tick. We had always been a bit experimental in our sexual encounters, and had had other partners in the past but always as a triad. Now, we decided that since I was the one in the relationship that really did not know their place (subbie being a sub and having known her BDSM desires and needs for a long time) it was high time that I go explore, and if this would lead me to needing to Dom others separate to our own duet, then that bridge would be crossed when we came to it.

And we have had a LOT of fun on the way, and meet some really wonderful people.

Now to the present and the interesting developments hinted on with the first post. Our best friend was the one who had originally introduced subbie to the wonders of BDSM, and we decided to go visit with her. She had moved away sometime ago and although we had seen her in passing on and off over the years.. we had drifted apart. So off to see her we went because we had come to realise that we really needed to have our best friend back. And it was fab. Within minutes it was back to the way things had been before she had left. And we talked and talked and it was just perfect. We were all back together again and life was great.

On the way home subbie and I talked about what had happened, and although it was difficult to explain we came to the conclusion that we both needed to allow this new found freedom to develop and flower and …… and we finally came to peace over the fact that the chances of growing lentils was so remote that if it was the will of the universe that it happened so be it, but we would not force the issue any more. That was four days ago and subbie had decided as a final act to put all hopes to bed she would do a test and……..

Well yes I guess the universe has a sense of humour after all…..